Dating in your 30s is vulnerable, expensive, and time-consuming. It’s like going on endless job interviews, returning with “We’ll get back to you,” only to get nothing but silence.
The good news? Even though your mind is brimming with self-doubt and fears, there are some things you can do to feel that spark again. Here’s a breakdown of common fears people have when dating in their 30s and ways to overcome them:
Dwindling Dating Pool
Dating in your 30s is a different experience from dating in your 20s, mainly because you’re more self-aware and clear about your priorities.
You don’t have time for casual flings (totally understandable, by the way). This massively shrinks the dating pool — it’s basically a cup. By now, chances are you’ve had a few breakups, so you know what doesn’t work. You’re also more self-aware about your boundaries and tolerance.
What to Do
Try unconventional dating methods, such as speed dating. It brings a lot of single people together to increase the chances of fostering instant chemistry and connection.
Traditional dating is time-consuming: Speed dating fast-tracks things. You can meet numerous potential partners in one go and reach out to those you found compatible.
Speed dating has become super popular in Australia, with big cities like Sydney hosting events nearly every weekend. Find singles events Sydney and meet like-minded people.
Incompatible Priorities and Values
There is one thing that matters more than chemistry in your 30s: Comptability. You don’t have time for casual relationships and are looking to settle down. This is why comptability matters more than fireworks.
Being on the same page in terms of priorities in life is super important. People in their 30s worry they’ll end up with someone who doesn’t understand them.
What to Do?
The simplest thing you can do is communicate your expectations and understand the other person’s perspectives. Save yourself from frustration and look for the following green flags:
- You feel safe and grounded with them.
- They share your life’s vision.
- They respect your boundaries.
- They communicate fears and anxious thoughts.
- They talk about difficult topics instead of shutting you down.
- They show deep interest in taking things forward.
The key is to put to rest all the hopes of a person changing things in the future. Look at your potential partner as they are today, and see if that’s acceptable for you.
Fear of Isolation and Abandonment
Dating in your 30s is daunting because you already feel isolated and left behind. Most of your friends are engaged, married, or even have kids.
The fear of isolation and abandonment might force you to suppress your true expectations and settle for someone who’s incompatible.
What You Can Do
First off, remember that most people find deep, lasting love in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, so you’re not running out of time. Instead of rushing, focus on yourself. Reframe negative thoughts as positive, and stay open to new experiences.
